Il Mattino di Padova: Winners and losers in social December 12, 2010
unrequited love, a refusal immediately to school, the stigma because physically or psychologically "different", the isolation in the workplace, to be neglected by their families: to those who do not happen ? They are painful events that almost all human beings live, more or less, in life. This forces them to great efforts, often demeaning or alienating, vowed to regain acceptance. Lotte cognitive, emotional and behavioral revolve around the phenomenon of ostracism, or being excluded, rejected and ignored. On the other hand, the key words reminiscent of the contemporary concepts of "connected" and "Connected" to be on line and off line. Words that become markers of personal destinies, identify winners and losers, rich and poor social contacts. On these issues goes into the study of Hadrian Zamperini, a professor of social psychology and interpersonal relations at the Faculty of Psychology of Padova, author of several books. From the book "ostracism" (The arts in Britain, 18 €) pbblichiamo a chapter on "How to become better people," or how to be pleasantly available.
We're all a bit 'Fantozzi
But that effort to become more good for us to accept
Adriano Zamperini
Created from the imagination of Paolo Villaggio Fantozzi character is well known. So popular as to have firmly established in our imagination and language we use every day. According to critics, the accountant Ugo Fantozzi represents the average Italian seventies - although it still continues to speak to us and make us laugh bitterly. Leads a mediocre life style: diploma, simple clerk, house for rent control and so on. Completely devoid of quality and very unfortunate, is humiliated and bullied by chichessia. Is beaten by a group of bullies, is impaled on the bike because it comes off the seat, drowned with his face in a cake, if necessary becomes a lightning rod and other mishaps like that haunt him. At your company must guard against a megadirettore demanding and co-workers careerists. Among the few who deign to some attention is the accountant Filini, organizer of odd days out, and Miss Silvani, the object of his amorous passions, of course, never returned. The only safe haven and welcoming - so to speak, given the standard existential Fantozzi - is the family. Consisting of a meaningless and ugly wife and a daughter obtuse and horrifying. And the trio creates reports and with heart-rending. A symbolic exchange between husband and wife: he turns to it seeking confirmation: "So .... I mean ... you ... me a..?" Hear, "John, I will. .. I admire very much. " Not even his wife can tell him she loves him, in fact, having compassion. Perhaps those who are professionally trained to help people who suffer can understand and support it. But the analyst of the insurance, which is addressed, it annihilates with a famous line: "Phantoms accountant (mangled the name), she does not have any inferiority complex! She is less." Undoubtedly, as a whole, a depressing situation. And our attentive petty clerk, though harassed by a company that does not recognize it at all, if not for sinister purposes of exploitation, not the slightest thought to resign. What's more, continues to attend colleagues' Megaditta "even outside of working hours. Which, of course, perpetuate their usual ways to treat it, turning in the emblem of man overwhelmed. Or, to put it another way, an icon in the individual ostracized. That, to try to gain approval, adopt a grotesque attitude to psychological subjection. Up to offer itself as mullet of his human aquarium megadirettore. Of course, hyperbole tragicomic of servility. Yet with the sharp eyes of those who can see relationships, Paolo Villaggio capture, exasperation, the various behavioral bent at a servility that one would like paying. In terms of acceptance and inclusion. In general, the ostracized who believe in the possibility of restoring the broken relationship are particularly likely to engage in prosocial activities. And the more the interpersonal relationship is valued and considered important, more pressing is the drive to his recovery. Efforts are made to goodwill and favors of the bumper. For example, taking special care of the partner, a friend, a colleague or an entire group of people. Not seeing the horizon desirable alternative. Another factor which leads efforts to save the report is the high cost associated with psychological being ostracized. At a left from the beloved boyfriend can a future of loneliness and despair. The group might be excluded from results in having to cope with continuous humiliation and a deep embarrassment. All situazoni that cost. And, overall, the greater is the investment - in terms of emotional, temporal, economic and social - more rejection appear onerous. Motivating every effort to remedy this. And attempt to prevent further demonstrations. Ultimately, the social servility is here understood as an individual propensity to be overly concerned about getting along and to please others. At the point of becoming very pliable and obsequious. We see the main mode of behavior that are an expression of such an existence.
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